After that dramatic send-off into my dissolution, I’ve returned once again. My relationship with blogging has always been this way: on for a few weeks, then off for a few months.
The thing is, I’m a very different person than I was 10 months ago. Even 10 years ago. My eyes feel open, spirit fresh and clean. I used to leap from one vision of the future to the next, clinging to the activity I was certain was going to give me the fulfillment I’d been missing, then spiraling into listlessness when reality never lived up to my imagination.
I’m finally in a place to break this pattern. Subject before to tumultuous hurricane tides, never certain which way the wind was going to blow next, I spent a year watching the moon change her face, and now I feel the steadiness of change alongside its erraticism.
The prospect of moving forward is nervewracking, but my feet are planted into the earth like mountains in the snow. Stone does not bow to the howling wind. It may emerge with a new face, but it won’t get carried off into the sky.
Difficult days still lie ahead, but the clouds have parted and I can see the stars again. I may not know where I’m going, but I know how to steer away from the storms.
Here are a few things I’m aiming to conquer over the next few months:
- Set up a more efficient routine. Working from home is hard, and I know I need a little more structure to keep motivated.
- Read, write, and exercise every single day. Usually I’ll get one of the three, but I have a significantly higher level of emotional control when I do all three.
- Continue the decluttering process. I threw out 10 trash bags full of clothes this year. That’s just clothes. There’s still a lot more to get rid of, but I’ve already seen my productivity increase thanks to having just a few less things to distract me.
- Read 40 books. I did this for a couple of years back in college, and it was during my most prolific writing period. I got up to 75 books a year, but I’m starting small since I’m just getting back into reading regularly. Rereads don’t count.
- Wake up earlier. I’m pretty bearish on this one, but maybe putting it down in writing will make it a reality.
Hopefully, I’ll see you here soon. It seems my retrograde motion is at an end, at least until my next journey around the sun. This wanderer is moving direct.
madi's blog. 