madi's blog.

Nothing is stable in life.

To use a well-worn example, how do I know the chair I’m sitting in is going to support me? How do I know it won’t spontaneously lose its solid state and let me fall onto the floor flat on my ass?

The only evidence we have suggesting the chair won’t betray me is the fact that it has yet to do so. And that’s not enough for me.

In my dreams, I’ve been to worlds where I could sneak out of a dangerous building by squeezing myself through a woman’s shoe. I’ve disappeared through walls and felt my hands go through each other when I tried to clap them together. I sit on chairs with the hope that they won’t lose their solid state, not the belief that they will.

Am I putting too much stock in my dreams? Maybe. Would someone who said that to me change their mind if they had the same dream life as me? Maybe. Perhaps The Lathe of Heaven stuck with me a little too tight.

I think experiencing so many unstable environments took away my ability to see things in a concrete way, although I have a few concrete beliefs now.

These are the things I hold to be true, those that I will defend to the bitter end despite not having any concrete proof: that the ultimate purpose of the universe is to find a state of balance, and that we can take part in orchestrating that balance.

Balance doesn’t imply a system of right and wrong. Balance implies equilibrium between two opposing forces. When you’re trying to gain your balance walking on a tightrope or standing in a yoga pose, you move your arms around to try and keep yourself from toppling over. Things get shaken up. It’s not picture perfect.

Past, present, future – we’ve been out of balance, and we will be out of balance until time reaches its end and things come to a close however they’re meant to. Chaos dominates. People stretch too far in one direction and then the other because they can feel that things aren’t as they should be.

The possibilities for stretching are vast with something as complicated as life on this planet. There are many places to adjust: Eating habits, exercise, Netflix binging, professional life, social media, relationships – the possibilities are endless.

This gets to the crux of what’s been bothering me today. We see someone in act of adjusting. We see someone waving their arms as they warm up to a new environment. Then we sprint to cast their actions as right or wrong without considering the larger picture. We project our own beliefs about the way things should be onto the actions of other people.

You should eat healthier because it’s good to be healthy. You should be nice because it’s the right thing to do. You should get a job because it’s good to support yourself.

By whose measure are any of these things good or right? What if health is an almost unattainable goal for someone, and telling them to pursue it actually worsens their mental health? What if being nice to people lets them carry on causing pain to others without having to fear retribution? What if having the ability to support oneself doesn’t make that person happy?

Things that we consider simple are not so. Our definitions need to be more flexible. Any sort of black-and-white thinking, however innocent we may think it is, is a privilege of the certain.

I hate to preach and proselytize. This is ultimately just my set of beliefs about the way of the world. I don’t know that people seeing things from this perspective would do anything positive for them. I think it’s incredibly important for everyone to form their own conclusions about the world around them. But it frustrates me to see how thoroughly unaware people are of the things they’ve been influenced by.

I think a good practice – no matter your beliefs – is to constantly question your definition of right and wrong. Those principles which you hold so dear – those things that you consider an integral part of your personal philosophy – scrutinize them with everything you have. Ask yourself – are you really looking at the truth?