Well, I’ve already failed on one of my New Year’s resolutions. Failure used to be something I dreaded, something I went to the greatest lengths to avoid. Now, I see it as one more phase of life; we have to go through it to move on to the next chapter.
I wanted to throw out a total of 465 things during the month of January: 31 on the 1st, 30 on the 2nd, and so on. I haven’t thrown out more than maybe 150 things, and we’re already halfway through the month.
Thankfully, this failure comes from a success. Before Christmas I was already on a throwing-things-away kick; if I had waited until the new year began, it probably would have been easy to meet my goal, but I wasn’t waiting for the more-or-less arbitrary first day of January to start improving my life.
Symbolism has helped me immensely over the past year, the whole of my spirituality is based on symbolism, but there is a way to let it overrun your life. Had I waited for the new year to begin before I started throwing out all of my old belongings, there may not have been room to store the things I gained over Christmas. I can see myself sitting anxiously, waiting for the moment it was okay to throw things away, putting my entire life on hold because the symbolic new year hadn’t yet begun.
Rules, boundaries, compulsions – I’ve only just begun to manage these parts of my life. A year ago, half of my life had no regulation whatsoever, while the other half was so strictly managed my routine had become a series of compulsions.
Today, I have a much better handle on where to draw the lines in my life. Having a routine is very important for me, but so is the ability to stretch out freely. Every morning I wake up, wash my face, brush my teeth, take Ellie for a walk, and then prepare for work while I cook my breakfast. I watch a Youtube video or two while I eat, draw my oracle cards for the day, and then get to work on whatever my morning task is, usually with a cup of tea and a snack.
I also keep my diffuser right in front of me. During study time, I’ll use a blend of basil, rosemary, peppermint, and sometimes eucalyptus or lemongrass. Right now, for writing, I’ve got a lovely combination with eucalyptus, lemongrass, ylang ylang, and lavender.
I work until I need to get up and do something else, I eat lunch when I get hungry, and I work until I’ve finished the day’s tasks, or turn in early if I’m in need of some self-care. Now that I’m more organized and don’t put off every project until the final moment, those days are coming with less frequency.
I know what I’m doing is working, because I’m able to work like I haven’t since I was in elementary school. I’m completely focused on the task at hand and it’s showing. I finished another real estate course yesterday, now I’ve only got two to go before I can take my exam.
I even found time to write some of my book this week, for the first time in over a month. This slow march back into productivity has been time-consuming but deliciously fruitful.
My personal development and spirituality have given me so much to work with in developing the culture of the peoples in my book. I see my own longings and beliefs imprinted on my work in a way I couldn’t during my first draft; knowing myself has helped me see where my writing can improve, shown me the spots where my fingerprints are too dark upon the story and need to be smudged up a bit.
It’s wonderful to come back to that activity which led me to be okay with failure in the first place, to return to the refuge where I spent days and nights throughout my childhood. But I return an older, wiser woman with fewer strict rules about how many words I need to write per day and more flexibility in where the story takes me.
And with increased flexibility, stronger story structure has come. Flexible muscles are less susceptible to injury, and a flexible mind is more likely to create a stronger story that will hold up to the endless trials writing can bring. You need not refuse to prune the garden of your imagination in order to tell a beautiful story; learn which branches need trimming and let your imagination grow healthy and strong.
madi's blog. 